It could be wrong

I dun really noe wat to say for now, there were thoughts but they just flashed by creating massive and intense stir within then they disappear everytime. I'm tired of such stir, why am i going thru all these? i screwed things up and i dunno if i'm feeling regret for it. It was told that there were no explanations for things, it was shown that even if i were to make time for her, she would nvr haf the time for me. She's Busy and that's all i noe. I no longer sense that I'm present in her thoughts and her heart although i noe, the calls from her weren't for nothing, there was effort, care, concern and a tinge of love or evetyhing might juz be for pity. Msgs aren't replied, questions unanswered, doubts not clarified, fear not comforted and need not satisfied. She comes and go just like the thoughts, creating massive waves of emotions within then everything disappears again. Wat shd i do? But one thing i can never deny, prayers were answered but i'm probably too numb to feel anything. All i wanted was a balanced relationship, something i noe i can gif my everything and still feel i'm being looked after. but it is indeed the unfairness i felt that i tried sorting out before but all to fall unto the category of "relationship fatigue". Which is definitely not true. I'm not tired of her, not tired of the relationship, wat i'm tired of is being the bad guy and being the thinker and the visionary. I just wanted somebody to let me feel that my youth is still preserved in a space filled with frenz, challenges, strangers, interest and character development. I fear stagnation. Where everything juz pauses itself at the point u gave ur all. And now, when i got everything, i lost the one thing i always yearned for. Attention. Maybe it's time i really learn to accept things the way they are before i start doing stupid things to bring down the already low value of my being. Maybe it's time, i started living my life in numbness till i can allow myself to start feeling something again.