Officially missing you

Hi, how's life? bet you must have lots of things goin thru ur mind these days. It's been 4 days. 4 full days of no contact, how did u survive? U need to teach me. I dun see you walking on the streets, dun see ur number on my cell, dun see ur msg in my inbox, dun hear ur voice, dun sense ur presence, dun feel your spirit, dun feel ur enthusiasm, dun smell ur perfume and all i have is this vague image of u in my mind. I'm really tired, no matter what i do, i can nvr haf ur attention like before, felt like a kid, fighting for attention. Hate this silly me, doing all the unnecessary things just so i can see a tinge of concern, jealousy and love. These feelings no longer linger, they have to be fought for over and over again, against negativity, paranoia and time. Tell me, why is this i'm feeling, tell me if u still love me. Tell me those ppl around u dun matter, that at the end of the day, u'll still be standing still, smiling at me, telling me that this is where i belong. Why dun i feel all these anymore? Izit me? have i been too stubborn wif my tots i cannot comprehend? I might seem happy but it's always been like this. Behind shouts of laughter, I'm always thinking, has he replaced me? Has things between us change? How can i ever rely on u again? How can i let you rely on me? I've been a disappointment lately, giving in to tots that i believe can make me strong, can reduce the dependency on you and can gif me the power to live life with full control but i was wrong, as always. The day you ran out of the house, i told myself, she's no longer the same kailin anymore. Ur presence in her life is adding unnecessary stress when ppl around her, the guy who's around her, can gif her what she has lost from u, everything and more. And so, i followed the stupid tot and seek for my alternate joy, something to temporarily fill my mind till i found the feeling i've lost from u. I hate growing up, why do things have to be this way? How did u get so insensitive? How did he get to me? I just needed a place to rant. I'm sure i'll be able to slp better tonite, without the weight on my shoulder. Maybe God can teach me how to live, maybe it's time to really let u go and let u grow. Gdnite to whoever. Thanks for hearing me out.